Awakening

It’s a dark narrow corridor, both the sides lined with closed doors. I walk to the nearest and open it. The walls are of a motley of color, shifting between grey and blue and yellow, marred by pictures; pictures of a smile, of some tears, of a mother and an empty cradle. Its a mad, pleasing random change of the colors. I walk out. 

Another room. Trophies. The head of the woman I hated, the blood still fresh, dripping from where the rest of the neck should have been. A bench along the right wall is adorned with glass jars. I see eyes; eyes which had longed for me with carnal desires. I see tongues, which have tasted me, and then lashed at me. And there are the fingers, oh the sweet caressing fingers of that loved one, whose head now graces the bloody mantle. I like this room. I touch the wall and feel the wetness I relish so much. I smile as I smell the blood in my hand. I flick my tongue and taste it. The blood still tastes fresh.

 The room beside is locked. I try pushing the door open, but it doesn’t budge. I give up and try the other one. Its door is slightly ajar. I peek in, it’s dark. My fingers fumble on the wall to search for a switch. Found it. The room lights up. It is a mellow light, a light that reminds me of a sunny warm afternoon. There's the sound of rushing stream, and the running wind is trying to wound me as I rush ahead of it. There's the tree and chirps of the baby birds. A speeding stone and perfect aim and some pained, final chirrups. I remember my younger brother being pissed about it. Happy memories. I linger a bit in the room and after a few moments, find myself in the corridor again. I look at the entire length and I can’t count the number of doors I see. I look back, and vaguely I am amazed at the hundreds and thousands of doors crossed already. There's a sound, a dull thud. Another thud. A steady beat. The loudness increases as I walk to the unopened source. Eager fingers push open the door. It’s all black. No fragment of light nor darkness exists. The absence of everything. A living, breathing, inviting black. I walk inside. The door closes behind me.

The crescendo erupts monumentally. People yelling with joy. A cacophony of loud war cries, of roars of lions and bears, and screams of monkeys, and more drums. Millions of drums. Someone screams, “Lanka is saved. We have nothing more to fear”. 

Time to end a dream.

Kumbhakarna awakes.

Dear You,

I saw you again last night. It was a good dream. I wonder where you are at this moment. Are you working? Are you with someone? Some one special, more special than I ever could have been? Or are you alone, alone in your room with the soft sunlight of late twilight filling up the room, making it more dark than bright, making you more pensive than thoughtful? I don’t know what you are doing. I can, but only, assume. I don’t think I will ever know again. 

Has it been months or years since I last saw you? I don’t remember. Funnily, I don’t remember anything much, about anything in particular any more. I go out everyday, laugh, joke, eat, work, study, pass time, eat again and sleep, and in the middle of all these, there is nothing that I take with me for the next day, nothing I find even remotely significant to hold on. But I still remember that little shop we ate at one day, the face of the hawker, the feel of the benches we sat on, what I had worn that day, what we talked about, most of the memories flash by just like that. It’s a like a slide show. I stop sometimes, look at that picture, take in some of the finer details, smell the memory and then turn it on again. 

I have wondered time and again, even now wondering, do you miss me? or even think about me anymore? I now it is stupid to ask, but I can’t help it. Contrary to what my friends believe, I haven’t yet moved on. Even though I have tried more than the ways possible, still you come to me, unbidden and sudden, when I am least prepared, and take me wholly. 

I am thinking about the dream again, it was so nice, so pretty. I remember that I am angry with you because you are leaving and you are smiling. I see ur bags are packed and we are at the railway station. You laugh at my anger and then u take me with you, and I am so happy. The dream was so happy, I woke up smiling today.

You have always been like the air. Sudden. Strong. Sensuous. And I miss you today, more than yesterday.

Yours truly

Me…

20 Questions

I looked at you and smiled. We were sitting cross-legged; holding hands tightly, on the stone floors of a deserted house; far away. I heard the roar of a thousand seas and noticed how you winced, almost imperceptibly. Almost. I always noticed everything about you. I smiled to myself and pulled your hands. You looked at me, your face a strange mask of anxiety, and love. You had always loved me, even when I hadn’t.

“So tell me this then, who has the highest batting average in test matches?” I asked. You didn’t answer, but grimaced and rolled your eyes, stubbornly refusing to reply. I shook our clasped hands, “Come on, you know, I have told you this before.” I insisted. “This is not funny, stop this. You know I am scared. This DOESN’T help” you yelled back and looked away. I felt your hold tighten on my hands.

“Okay easier one this time,” I went on, ”who invented safety pin?” I said with a big grin. You looked at me with deep annoyance and parted those lips to say something, but didn’t. You rolled your eyes and looked away again. I laughed and continued, “Umm.. okay, at least tell me who is the best cat in the world?” I heard your laughter even before it started. And I wondered how I had wasted all those years listening to stupid rock concerts. “Garfield. Okay? Happy? Now stop.” You replied, and smiled. The way u looked, that deep gaze, I felt as if you knew everything and still so innocent about everything else.

“Okay last one”, I said, “gear up ‘cause this is the biggie”. I took a deep breath, proposals had never been easy, and I remembered time wasn’t on my side.

Another deep breath. “Tell me, will you marry me?” I saw with a pang of sadness, how your smiling eyes changed, they became filled with tears of anguish in a matter of moments. You hung your head. I couldn’t hold you because you still hadn’t let go of my hands. I heard a faint murmur, you whispered, “yes”. You looked at me. The smile back, the tears still present. You pulled me close and our lips met. The softness of your lips filled me with pure and complete joy. I could taste the salty tears and I knew whatever came, we would be together now. I didn’t hear anything else, didn’t feel or remember anything beyond that moment. We were in our own little “love bubble”, as you used to call it, and forgot the whole world. I knew you did too. There were no more regrets. I knew neither had you. I knew there was a better world ahead for us. I believed this. And you did too.

The distant roar wasn’t that distant anymore. The huge wave, matching a thousand seas, came crashing on the little house. In a moment, it conquered and destroyed, and left nothing for time to preserve. It moved on for its next triumph, leaving behind a sea of desolation and plunder, leaving behind nothing but just an ocean. It roared again, as it raged ahead for its next target.

Once Upon A Time..

The eagle takes flight. It aims for the zenith. It cuts through the air as it nears its one single vast expansive target. It crosses the field, a field with sprinkles of miniscule ignorant life forms. A gun shot. Dogs bark. The fall of the last of  the kings. The zenith remains unconquered for another day.

                       * * * * *                                             

The fire burns. Hungry. Merciless. Devouring all and everything. An angel of destruction. The fire burns majestically as the dry woods satiate its hunger. Hear the crackles. A child inhales the smoke as he cooks his meal for the day. A sudden strong wind makes the child raise his hand to cover the fire. A fire brigade rushes past the almost empty street. He looks for a while then gets back to his cooking.

                                                                    * * * * * 

Red. The color of blood. The color of the morning sun. The color to cry for, rejoice for. The color of passion and courage. But today it is the color of goodbye. The mothers and daughters play with the “sindoor”. The goddess smiles her frozen smile. She longs to join them but scriptures forbid her. Laws of man chains the strongest of power. May be some day she will, she believes. Is that a tear in the corner of her eye? “Subho bijoya” and they all threw red. I never found out.

                                                                    * * * * * 

“But I have a meeting, please understand. I will call u soon. I am sorry”, the boy hangs up without waiting for her reply. She is sad. She wanted this one to work. But for the past six months things have gone bad and beyond repair. She really wanted this to work. She leaves the keys of the apartment, takes her bags and with a last look, closes the door.

After a few hours and several knocks later, the door opens and a yell of “Happy Anniversary”. The empty apartment welcomes the surprise.

                                                                  * * * * *

The bus stops at the signal. The girl looks out. Her eyes meet the guy’s. A smile plays on both their lips. “Will he remember me?” “Will I see her again?”. The signal turns green. The bus starts.

                          * * * * *

People hurrying past. A chaos in a section, an argument in another. Yells and shouts fill the whole area. The boy looks around hysterically. He’s hungry, he’s tired, and…. and his gaze locks on the face of the most beautiful girl and he forgets everything else. The girl looks up and smiles. Suddenly everyone starts cheering. The priest chants as the boy puts vermillion on the girl’s forehead.